How AI Research Is Making Our Anxiety Worse
We are addicted to research because it feels productive. Sometimes it even feels like our very life is at stake if we don’t research. It feels like we are solving a problem, but we may be strengthening the problem we are researching via negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement occurs when you reward someone by giving them something they want. They are more likely to do that thing again because of that reward. They associate doing that thing with receiving that reward.
Negative reinforcement, on the other hand, is a little more confusing and hard to spot. Negative reinforcement occurs when you take away pain or take away a problem in a way that gets you stuck in a maladaptive cycle. If my son throws a tantrum, he is feeling intense emotion and expressing it in a way that isn’t what any of us want in the long run - not him or us. Don’t miss the elements that are showing up right before I respond to his tantrum: he is both feeling something internally and performing an external behavior. If I act quickly to remove the issue that caused his tantrum, then I negatively reinforce that feeling and behavior that came just before I removed it. Reinforcement means I promote it, I cast a vote for it, I did something that amplifies how much he feels that emotion the next time he is in that situation.
If his sister is playing with a toy that he suddenly decides he wants, feels like he wants it, feels upset about it, and then screams and hits to get it, I will reinforce those feelings and behaviors if I make her give it to him immediately. I took away his pain, which makes his perception of that pain feel more intense the next time he’s in that situation.
I can fix this by waiting and separating his feelings and his tantrum from the fix. That looks like, “She’s going to play with it for just a minute, and then you’ll get a turn when she’s done.” If only parenting were that simple, but what’s supposed to happen there is that he learns that the tantrum isn’t super effective and he can tolerate his feelings. We did not cast a vote for those feelings and behaviors by reacting to them immediately, so hopefully they aren’t so big the next time around. This is good for him and for the rest of the family.
What does this have to do with researching things that bother us or things we are very anxious about? Knowledge isn’t bad, of course. But seeking more knowledge is often negatively reinforcing to our anxiety.
Here’s the cycle: I feel anxious about something I’m struggling with or something I’m worried about -> I go to my favorite AI -> I ask, “Is it normal that _______ ?” -> “What’s the best way to deal with _____ ?” -> “So it’s not cancer, right?” ->
AI responds with, “It sounds like you have a great plan, and you likely have very little to worry about. However, I am not a medical professional.”
Insert whatever it is you are worried about: Insomnia, theology, panic, your child’s odd behaviors, that rash, whether you’ll succeed or not, etc., etc., etc.
Negative reinforcement is working you over in the background without you knowing it. Every time you research that things you’ve already researched, you are telling your mind to monitor for more of those worried feelings and more of those questions. The next time you feel even an ounce of worry about that topic, or any other topic that feels existential, you are going to want to reach for AI or another text to mom or whatever your typical method is. Not only are you going to do more reassurance seeking, but you are also going to feel more worried. That stinks. This isn’t just about behaviors. This is about feeling awful because you are trying frantically to feel good.
What I want to propose to you is this: You already have enough information. You need to practice and accept the information you have, and you need to give yourself a timeline for when you will look up more information again after sitting with the info you already have. I would suggest at least two weeks. Why two weeks? You’ll learn that sitting with the info you have and putting up a boundary helps you to feel less urgent about the problem, and it may make the anxiety portion of the problem begin to fade altogether. We must parent ourselves in the age of AI if we want to stay sane and functional.
About Us
Tyler Slay, LPC, is the founder of Anxiety & OCD Specialists of Mississippi, the first counseling clinic in the state dedicated exclusively to treating anxiety, OCD, and related disorders. As a specialist trained through the Behavior Therapy Training Institute (BTTI) of the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF), Tyler provides evidence-based care for adults, teens, and children. He and his team specialize in treating OCD, Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Tics/Tourette’s, and PTSD, integrating Christian counseling for those who desire a faith-aligned approach.
Contact & Location:
Clinic: Anxiety & OCD Specialists of Mississippi
Address: 100 Highpointe Dr., Suite D, Brandon, MS 39042
Services: In-person sessions in Brandon, MS and statewide via Telehealth
Credentials: View Tyler Slay’s Verified IOCDF Provider Profile
