How OCD Makes You Believe You Are The Opposite of Who You Are
The Feared Possible Self is Not Your True Self According to The Evidence
People with OCD struggle with self-doubt, struggle to trust themselves, struggle to know who they really are, and struggle with an unrealistic view of themselves.
They often believe that feared versions of themselves will come true.
In fact, compulsions are about making sure this imaginary self did not, does not, and will not come true.
You only have doubts that are obsessional when they relate to your feared self!
Debunking the feared self will make your obsessional doubts seem silly, and you’ll no longer want to waste energy on them.
Exercise:
What is something that you know you are not or never have worries about becoming?
A news broadcaster?
Let’s say you’re someone who hates being on camera, can’t stand public speaking, and avoids the spotlight at all costs. You like to work in private on tasks without a lot of pressure. You don’t even watch the news.
What if I told you that it’s possible that you could become a news broadcaster? Sure, anything is technically possible, but given the nature of the job, your interests, and your disdain for aspects of that role, it’s not relevant.
This example probably doesn’t hit home for you because your mind is saying, BUT MY FEAR IS DIFFERENT.
Your example of what you fear becoming (incompetent, dependent, negligent, violent, hard hearted, defiant, psychotic) seems different because it touches on something you feel vulnerable to, but it’s still just hypothetical. You have as much current evidence that this is going to happen as you have evidence for the possibility of becoming a news broadcaster.
So, who are you?
I was working with someone recently who has had a very successful career. Their obsessional doubt: What if there’s something I can do to keep something bad from happening? Their feared possible self is being someone who is negligent, irresponsible, and ultimately unsuccessful because they aren't careful and diligent enough in their work.
Then they tell me about themselves…
They've never had an unsuccessful year in their job. They are a great motivator of those under them… “I can get them to run through a wall for me.” Everyone wants to hire them. They have a positive reputation in the community. On top of that, they're a really involved parent as well. They have a great marriage.
So, let’s format his doubts into statements:
I am a person who could fail miserably by missing something preventable
I am a person who could become negligent
I am a person who could stop caring about what matters to me
All of their history and routine actions align with their desire to be responsible, successful, and diligent. OCD uses the tricks of random facts (sometimes people mess up), rules (you should try to make good things happen), personal experience (sometimes good things happen after I do certain rituals or routines), and possibilities (if I don’t do _______, then bad things could happen). OCD weaves these into a story that something bad COULD happen, but this is clearly hypothetical in contrast to the evidence of their actual life in the here and now.
Take your “what if?” question(s) and put them into statements…
“I could become someone who….”
Your OCD selects doubts that are the inverse, the opposite of your actual self. This is called Selectivity of Doubt, and it’s the reason why you fear what you fear intensely and why you don’t fear what other people with OCD fear intensely. You have a very high value for not becoming the thing you fear, and the evidence of your life indicates that you are not the thing you fear - you may even be quite the opposite. Once you see this trick and start trusting what you can know via common sense, your 5 senses, and an accurate picture of yourself, you start being able to dismiss OCD’s scary images altogether. Once you do that, replacing compulsions and avoidance with values-based action becomes much easier.
Sources:
Many concepts courtesy of content form I-CBT expert Catherine Goldhouse
